Who said that it's better to have loved and lost? I wish that I had never loved at all.

I've been thinking a lot here lately...about everything. Sometimes I don't think I should be left alone with my thoughts. I have way too many, and it's impossible for me to turn them off. I guess that's why I started writing, but that's besides the point.

So I've been thinking...about relationships. I don't mean romantic relationships alone. I've been thinking about all my relationships...those with family, friends, and even significant others. And all this thinking has brought forth a lot of musings...and I still don't have all the answers needed to satisfy those musings...

You see, I had this friend...and she sold all of us out for her boyfriend. Now don't get me wrong, I don't know the guy so I can't criticize him...but is it healthy for a person to completely change who they are because of a relationship? Now I have no doubt in my mind that some day farther down the road, my former friend will wake up and realize all the damage she's done. It may be relatively soon or it may be in the distant future, but she will come to that realization. The really sad part about this situation, however, is the fact that all of us have already started to move on as if she were never really a part of our lives...which has led me to wonder, if a person is so easily forgotten, were they ever really that important in your life to begin with?

Now I've got this problem where I can't get a person out of my mind. It's not necessarily a bad thing because I know that I like this person, but things are definitely not to my liking. This guy is really important to me, and I don't mean that in a romantic way. He's a really close friend of mine...and when I say close, I mean close. Things have happened between us that no one else knows, and I intend to keep it that way. I can't explain why I like him. In all actuality, I probably shouldn't...but you can't help who you like...you're not supposed to, right?

I got to talk to my brother this afternoon for a long time. And then afterwards my mom and I talked...she's like my conscious. Seriously. Anyway, we were talking about how my brother and I grew up together and were basically twins. We're not, by the way. Anyway, that got me to thinking about when he moved out and pretty much destroyed my life...my relationship with my brother went from unbelievably strong to almost non-existent and now it's building back to what we used to have.

Life is such a funny thing. You think you've got everything, and then something happens to take it all away...and then, when you least expect it, everything starts to fall into place again. It's like one big circle. What goes around, comes around...but in this circle of life, do we ever truly get what we want? Do we ever really find happiness? Or is happiness just something we've created in our minds to help us get through the unreality we've created for ourselves?