you tell me that you need me, then you go and cut me down.

there is so much tension. and it all is centered around one person. now, this person is my friend. one of my best friends. and normally i don't get annoyed or angry or anything with the petty bitchy things she does. but here lately she has been getting on my last nerve. so be warned. this is definitely a venting blog.

last week was my twenty first birthday. it wasn't very exciting at all. in fact, i didn't celebrate. wednesday night my friend called me and asked me to share a fishbowl with her. so i did. no problem. then we went to a bar. i had a few drinks. we left. i came home.

the next morning i was sick. but this was not a hangover. coincidentally, i had gotten a virus or something of that sort. at the very most someone could have put something in my drink. anyway the point is that it was not alcohol poisoning. so my roommate took me to the emergency room because i could not stop throwing up. my mom drove all the way up here and took me home. i ended up being put on an iv and getting a shot of finigrin and fluids because i was severely dehydrated.

so i went home on thursday and didn't come back until sunday. well friday we were supposed to go out to eat and then ice skating. but of course since i was sick and not in town it didn't happen. well one of my friends went anyway with another couple. ok no big deal. but when we all got back together on monday to actually go she decided that she just wanted to eat. so no ice skating for my birthday this year.

then i find out last night that someone [i don't know who] has said that i was "sick" just to get attention. that bothers me slightly. but since i don't know who said it there is nothing i can do about it.

then today at lunch was just awkward. i don't even know how to explain it. and i'm not really going to worry about it. because i know i'm not doing anything wrong.

but here's the thing. sometimes i feel like i can't even be friends with him because of her. like he's her property. and she's not his girlfriend or anything like that. i know i like him. and i know she knows i like him. i wish she didn't know. because i know that if anything bad ever happens between the two of us it will be because of her. things are fine between us right now. we're not together. but just because you love someone does not mean you have to be involved with them.

i just have a bad feeling. you know. i feel like something is about to explode. and i feel like in some way i'm a part of it. even though for once i haven't done anything to warrant being the center of other people's drama.