I'll do everything you ever dreamed to be complete.

The party last night was so much fun =] I had a blast.


At Monarcas before the party

Trying not to fall down the stairs

Jello shots =]

Lovely

Me and Julianne

Me, Julianne, and Mary

Julianne, JJ, and me

Grady is such a pimp lol

Showing off all my lovely artwork...

She want that lovey-dovey, that kiss kiss

So I've had nightmares about the party tomorrow...and I really hope they're not premonition-type dreams because if there's going to be drama regarding my lovely situation...well, I'd kind of like to know about it beforehand. The dream I had about it last night though...well, it wasn't a nightmare. It was actually a good dream, but if it really happens (and I don't think it will) the shit will definitely hit the fan.

Now I'm heels over head, I'm hanging upside down, Thinking how you left me for dead, California-bound...

Now when you hit the coast, I hope you think of me, And how I'm stuck here with the ghost, Of what we used to be...

This week has been exceptionally good. I can't believe I actually said that, but it really has been a good week other than Stephanie breaking her wrist last night. Monday was great. The only thing to make Tuesday less-than-great was the Palladium meeting, but even that wasn't terrible enough to dispel the almost movie-esque quality of the rest of the week. Yesterday was good...especially lunch, but I don't feel like elaborating. And today, my Spanish presentation was postponed until after Thanksgiving. The only thing about today is that I haven't seen Jason...which isn't unusual, but I've seen him every other day this week so it's kind of weird not to have randomly seen him today.

But anyway, as far as that situation goes...things aren't really any better. They're not bad. I mean, he's definitely doing a lot more subtle things as far as I'm concerned...but then she is still in the picture. It's not like it's even all that big a deal. It's not like they're technically/officially together. Pretty much, according to the general consensus and the insight of my mother, he's just with her for sex...and he knows that I'm not a "friends with benefits" kind of girl.

I don't know...it's almost as if he's afraid to get involved with me. Like he thinks that by pushing me away or not doing anything with me he'll save me heartbreak if something were to happen to him. And if that's the case, then he's stupid. Whether we're together or not, I'm attached to him and it would kill me if he died. I've thought long and hard about his illness...and I've decided that it doesn't matter. I'm ok with it. Sure, it scares the hell out of me, but I think if he'd give it a chance the time we spend(t) together would be completely worth it...I just don't know how to make him understand that.

So yeah...pretty much everybody knows we like each other. Or at least they all think we should sleep together and get it over with. Apparently there's a lot of tension whenever we're together, in the same room, in the same vicinity...maybe that's why she doesn't like me. The only question left to be answered in this screwed up situation is whether he'll stop being stupid.

We were meant to live for so much more but we lost ourselves.

So yesterday was a really good day. I haven't been in that good a mood in so long...and nothing extremely out of the ordinary happened. I slept way late, but it was amazing. Then I went out to lunch with Jason, and he actually paid. Then we went to GameStop and Radio Shack and to the House of Many. Basically, we spent a good chunk of the afternoon together. It was fun.

Then last night we had a movie night in Julianne's room. Me, Stephanie, Grady, Riley, and Julianne. We watched The Condemned, which was actually a good movie. I had my doubts, all centered around Stone Cold Steve Austin, but it had a really good plot line and the wrestling moves weren't too corny.

Today, unfortunately, it was back to work. Spanish was pretty much a joke this morning, but at least I got an easy A. Lunch was entertaining, though nothing special. Creative writing was actually my favorite part of the day. I usually get pretty bored in there, but not today. Mr. O was in rare form...you just had to be there. Editing wasn't bad today. He didn't lecture for once. All we had to do was write headlines to fit certain areas...which was easy for me. I've been doing that for years. Then I had my section meeting which ran right into the staff meeting for the Palladium...which meant I missed dinner and had to go to the Trojan Center because I'm broke.

Oh and don't forget that I'm trying to memorize a Spanish presentation for Thursday on top of all that!

I'm getting really good at lying to myself...

too bad I never believe it.


Why does he have to smile at me that way?


Give all to love; obey thy heart.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson


so much easier said than done

Now I've had the time of my life, and I owe it all to you.

Why does he have to be so sweet and smile at me that way? It gives me this funny feeling. It's almost as if he knows I can't resist it, and it's messing with my head something awful. I don't want to like him. I know it's really not worth my time, and I know that he's with someone else... but every time he looks at me that way or smiles at me or shows some sort of attention to me... I melt.

Ok, so I'm not bragging or anything but one day my camera might actually pay my way. I went out today and took a lot of random pictures. I had a purpose to the randomness of my actions, though. I had this idea for my section of the Palladium where the background was like a montage of pictures. My goal is for the backgrounds of the pages to look as if someone found a shoebox of pictures and dumped them on the ground. Anyway, the pictures I took today were really good, if I do say so myself.


Well I was going to upload some of my favorites, but it's not cooperating with me...

Me, Julianne, and Stephanie at the band party.

Looking back on that night, I've realized that while "fun" is not the best word to describe my experience, it really wasn't all that bad. Overall it was a good experience...there were just a few incidents that soured my mood. Hopefully I'll have more pictures soon.

Hold me like you held onto life. Love me like you love the sun.

So last night was fun-ish. The party itself wasn't all that great...the auction was entertaining. The company wasn't all bad though...even if I did get exposed to something I really did not want to see. It didn't help that it was a certain person, but I honestly wouldn't want to see it with anyone else either. But Stephanie and I talked for a long time last night and I've come to the realization that it's not worth it.