I decided not to work over the break. Just really didn't feel like going back into all that mess.

My love life just might get interesting once school starts back. It has the potential to anyway.

I'm going back home in a week. Exactly a week. At least that's what I plan on. Classes start on the ninth. All my classes are extremely early this time. 8:00 and 8:30. Every day. And none after lunch.

Now all I need to do is find an internship.

so i don't think i'm going to work over the break.

it's always winter but never christmas

I can't believe this semester is 2 days from being over! It's gone by entirely too fast. I feel like I've gotten nothing accomplished.

But I am ready for it to be finished. The past few weeks have just been stressful. I could use a break, even though it's probably going to spent working. Something I definitely am not looking forward to. I don't know what to do about work. The way my parents have been talking, I don't want to get in that mess. But then mama will be like, well I don't know what's happening there. SO QUIT TALKING ABOUT HOW BAD IT'S GOTTEN!!

make your decision, and don't you dare think twice.

so i think i'm being paranoid. maybe it's just issues with being together so much the past few weeks. things will be better after the break. and if not, well then it's not meant to be. right? right.

oh and before i forget, i realized last night that right now [other than being attracted to jason] i have no romantic aspirations towards anyone.

is it too much to ask to meet a nice guy? wait. i should be more specific. a nice guy who wants to be with me.

you tell me that you need me, then you go and cut me down.

there is so much tension. and it all is centered around one person. now, this person is my friend. one of my best friends. and normally i don't get annoyed or angry or anything with the petty bitchy things she does. but here lately she has been getting on my last nerve. so be warned. this is definitely a venting blog.

last week was my twenty first birthday. it wasn't very exciting at all. in fact, i didn't celebrate. wednesday night my friend called me and asked me to share a fishbowl with her. so i did. no problem. then we went to a bar. i had a few drinks. we left. i came home.

the next morning i was sick. but this was not a hangover. coincidentally, i had gotten a virus or something of that sort. at the very most someone could have put something in my drink. anyway the point is that it was not alcohol poisoning. so my roommate took me to the emergency room because i could not stop throwing up. my mom drove all the way up here and took me home. i ended up being put on an iv and getting a shot of finigrin and fluids because i was severely dehydrated.

so i went home on thursday and didn't come back until sunday. well friday we were supposed to go out to eat and then ice skating. but of course since i was sick and not in town it didn't happen. well one of my friends went anyway with another couple. ok no big deal. but when we all got back together on monday to actually go she decided that she just wanted to eat. so no ice skating for my birthday this year.

then i find out last night that someone [i don't know who] has said that i was "sick" just to get attention. that bothers me slightly. but since i don't know who said it there is nothing i can do about it.

then today at lunch was just awkward. i don't even know how to explain it. and i'm not really going to worry about it. because i know i'm not doing anything wrong.

but here's the thing. sometimes i feel like i can't even be friends with him because of her. like he's her property. and she's not his girlfriend or anything like that. i know i like him. and i know she knows i like him. i wish she didn't know. because i know that if anything bad ever happens between the two of us it will be because of her. things are fine between us right now. we're not together. but just because you love someone does not mean you have to be involved with them.

i just have a bad feeling. you know. i feel like something is about to explode. and i feel like in some way i'm a part of it. even though for once i haven't done anything to warrant being the center of other people's drama.